On Motherhood

Source: sneakpeeq.com via Debra on Pinterest

As you may have noticed, last Sunday was Mothers Day. Ah, the annual celebration where my fairytale dreams of poems and handwritten notes are reduced to a piece of computer paper with "Love you Mom" written in pencil hurriedly before Mom notices that no one has done anything to acknowledge the day. To be fair, my expectations are only high because I tend to go all-out on Fathers Day, by beating talking my kids into some extravagant gift/presentation for their dad, making sure that they write notes or personally pick out cards. And reminding them of how hard Jay works for us and how much he adores us. I don't think it's too much to expect him to remind them that Mothers Day is coming, after all.
Do I sound a little bitter? I was. I spent part of Mothers Day in tears because I felt like the lack of attention to the day was an indication of how my kids feel about me. And lets face it. Sometimes all the hard work of mothering does come down to one day of recognition. But then we went to church, (where the dream I had of sitting in the row with my older children was dashed because they woke up late, rushed to church and listened from the foyer) and I listened to the pastor speak about how guilt eats us up in parenting, about how our kids' behavior is not always a reflection of our parenting, it's a reflection of their hearts. And God wants their hearts, not their behavior. WOW. I sat in tears. And I sat convicted. And I felt like a schmuck for expecting so much of them.
I decided to roll with the day. Let go of expectations and my bad attitude, and just enjoy the day. We went as a family to see Ironman (Mr. Handsome's gift to me.), and it was sold out. So we went for ice cream instead. We had my in-laws over for ribs. My son backed into their car.
So much for a peaceful day, huh? But hey, I wore a cute dress. And I hugged my kids. A lot.

Cory, Zach, Me, TJ and Madison (and my furry baby, Samson)

Me and Madison and my Marilyn Monroe moment.

In This Outfit:
Dress: Anthropologie Summer Soufflé Dress (similar body style)
Sweater: J Crew Jackie Cardigan
Belt: Anthropologie Rippled Ribbon Belt (Kate Spade version)
Shoes: J Crew Mona Pump
Necklace: J Crew multistrand pearls

Hiatus

This month-long hiatus from blogging didn't happen on purpose. I didn't set out to take a break. I just couldn't put a coherent sentence together.
I have continued to go to work, take care of my family, cook yummy food, and run (although all this snow has tripped me up.)

But my heart has been drifting.

The past twelve months has been a study in trial and patience. Everything I thought I knew about parenting has been tossed right out the window, as we have been thrown with one stumbling block after another. I have been brought to my knees (literally) as I knelt on my back porch and just wept out to God for guidance and strength. Thankfully, I live on 5 acres and have the freedom to cry and wail.

I am finding out that the only thing I know for sure is that I don't know anything.

About three or four weeks ago, I woke up at 3am. That never happens unless the Lord is waking me up to pray. I don't see a lot of sunrises, so I asked God what was up, He had my attention.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I simply adore my children. Being a mother has been my high calling. My husband and I are committed, all-in parents. We are strict, but fun. We are engaged, and try to be fully available. All with the hope of having godly, healthy children. But children are people, and prone to be human- imagine that. I think I forgot that the same trials which shaped my own personal and spiritual growth and made me the strong person I am have to be experienced by my kids, in order to shape their character. I think I also thought I could protect them from making mistakes.

I've spent the last few months worrying about my two older children incessantly. I have worried to the point of stress, and started losing weight in the process. I can't remember when I have had more headaches than the past year. And I have a history of migraines. I have worried instead of trusting God.  When He woke me up that morning, it was as-if he were impressing upon my heart to trust Him. To leave it in His care. I could have wept with the relief. It's so simple. And I know this. But I renewed my relationship with God to turn my worry over to instant prayer for my children. It's a lightbulb moment for me. And it's a u-turn back to what I know is true. God loves me. And He loves my children even more than I do.

Which is pretty hard to fathom.

•I've started and stopped this post numerous times. But was finally encouraged by Roxy of EA to get it out, via a very kind text message last week. Thanks, Roxy.

Impact

Source: callmecraz-ee.tumblr.com via Debra on Pinterest

The latest Bible Study I am participating in has lined up nicely with the messages we have been hearing at church (I LOVE it when God does that!), and it has all come around to impacting the people around us.
I often wonder what my impact is. What legacy would I leave to my friends and family- and now coworkers) if I were suddenly gone? Would it be the kindness I strive so desperately for? Or would it be that I was a grump in the morning. (I am.) What would my children remember most about me?
In the things I have been reading and learning the last few weeks, those thoughts have extended outward more. There are so many hurting people. I am reminded of this poster I saw on Pinterest.

Source: crushculdesac.tumblr.com via Jasmine on Pinterest

It's easy to get caught up in the irrelevant. Hello, I write a fashion blog, I understand how hypocritical that can sound. It's hard to see beyond the tip of your nose sometimes. Our schedules can be overwhelming, and make us feel overdrawn.
But what if we stepped out and just started putting into practice the things we know to be true? What if we looked for just one way to start impacting the people beyond our four walls? I don't want to say what that looks like for you, but for me, it starts with just finding one person to encourage. To show Christ's love with feet on it. Walking the thing out.
What does that look like for you?

In This Outfit:
Dress: Anthro Daytripper Dress (navy) (cheaper substitute)
Sweater: F21 Lace Cardigan, old (similar)
Shoes: Steve Madden Karisma (here in black, cute in turquoise)

More Thoughts on Parenting

This morning I happened upon a post on Facebook. Someone was asking for friends' opinions on successful parenting. Some of the responses shocked and saddened me. The standard to which we hold other people can be very harsh.
As a mom knee deep in the teen years (my kids are currently almost 18, 16, 12 & almost 8), my definition of success has just about been tossed out the window. Sometimes surviving the day means success. I have always looked forward to the teen years in our home, and can honestly say that I enjoy having teenagers. But I can also say that it is harder than I thought it would be. My expectations were much different than my reality.
The biggest surprise in parenting teens is that they seem to revert back to behaviors you thought were cured back when they were say, 2-3 years old. Sometimes I honestly think my kids have lost their minds. I have said to them, "Who are you, and what have you done with my child?" It's like been invaded by aliens. Space Invaders, anyone? Jay and I are all-in on parenting. Involved, supportive, talkers.
We recently had a very serious situation with my oldest. Something that we worried might strongly affect his future career and college options. Let me tell you, when I gave birth to that tiny little baby and snuggled him in my arms, the farthest thing from my mind was sitting up all night with a child I was concerned might resort to taking his own life than facing up to his difficulties. (Let me clarify that he never threatened, I was just worried.) The first thought that crossed my mind is, "Where did we go wrong?" That's sad, isn't it?
The older I get, the less likely I am to offer parenting advice/opinions. The older I get, the less I know. The only thing I know for sure is that God is in control, and I am not. I have to rely upon Him more and more each day.
I wish we, as a parenting community, could be more quick to encourage and support each other, and less quick to be critical. Let's face it, criticism is not hard to come by. It's constantly there, whether in our own minds or from those around us. When was the last time someone encouraged you? Parenting is the hardest job on Earth. I want to be an encourager.
That is my hope.

Shirt: Anthro Staccato Garnish Racerback (similar here & here)
Skirt: Anthro Patagonian Maxi (similar here & here
Bracelets: Vintage and J Crew (here, similar here & here)
Watch: J Crew (here)

On Kindness

Source: summer-salts.tumblr.com via Debra on Pinterest

Is kindness important?
I have seen some neat posters on Pinterest, but the ones that speak the most to me are about character. I love quotes and poems and even books, but if the things you learn are not translated into real-life situations, the knowledge is pointless.
I used to be a mean girl. When I was in high school, I don't think I opened my mouth unless it was to say something unkind about other people. Then I turned 18, and had a child I was responsible for and I knew I needed to make some changes. The Lord started working on my heart. Slowly but surely, I was transformed into a new person, as a result of studying the Word.
Why does kindness matter?
1. You can't change people, you can only be who you were created to be.  My best friend reminds me that her mother always said, "There is always a kinder way to say things." It's very true, if you think about it. Even difficult, but necessary things can be said in the kindest way possible. So be as gracious as possible.
2. It shows good character on your part. Regardless of the situation around you, character is shown in difficult times. I have learned in life that there is always someone better off than you, and someone worse off. Find contentment, and do your best to be kind to the people around you. What may seem a very minor situation to you, just might be the hardest thing someone else has ever been through. Don't be quick to judge based on your own strengths. Offer friendship and encouragement.
3. Everyone likes encouragement! When was the last time someone said something kind to you? How did you feel? If it has been too long since hearing something positive, I am genuinely sorry. We are busy people, and tend to miss the mark sometimes. But guess what? YOU can be a source of encouragement to someone else. If a friend or loved one comes to mind, send a note or card as soon as you think of them. Reaching out and speaking kindness and love will never be something you regret. I find we only regret the things we know we should have done, but didn't.

A few years back, a class I was a part of read the book, "The Same Kind of Different As Me." It completely changed my perspective on kindness. I used to reserve my kindness for the people that I felt deserved it. This book rocked me to my core, and convicted me about my attitude. I highly suggest reading it, and reading it to your teenagers too. (I did.)

In what areas do you think you could improve your kindness attitude?

Shirt: J Crew Outlet
Skirt: Target
Belt: Anthro
Shoes: Thrifted
Necklace: Thrifted
Nail Polish: OPI Tasmanian Devil Made Me Do It
w/ Essie Turquoise & Caicos on the ring fingers

(More) Thoughts on Parenting

Even though I became a parent at a very young age, I took my responsibilities seriously immediately. I started reading everything I could get my hands on about care and discipline of children. I also asked lots of advice from parents whose methods I admired. My Aunt Sue poured hours and hours of teaching and love into me as a young parent, and her time has meant so much to me over the years.
A week or so ago, I hurt one of my teenagers. I did something very thoughtless, leading him to believe that he wasn't as important to me as his siblings. I was crushed. It was innocent enough, without malice on my part, but my lack of consideration hurt him. And that hurts me. I got to thinking about why this bothers me so much.
As a child, my parents were very busy, and not super hands-on in my life. (I should clarify that this is not the case these days. I have a strong, healthy relationship with my parents now, and I love them dearly.) There were many times I felt unimportant, and unloved.  I was determined to never make my children feel that way, and yet I have. Unintentionally, but I have.
I take great joy in being mother to TJ, Cory, Madison and Zachery. I also love being wife to Jay. These are my first responsibilities, and the delight of my life. I have lots of interests, but I consider my home my job at this time in my life.
As I matured in life, and in my walk with God, I learned that true joy and contentment does not come from the people and circumstances around you, it comes from within.

" The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy." Psalm 28:7

I have to remind myself of the promises found in the Word, when my abilities seem to fail me, despite my earnest desire to do right. Thankfully, I can depend upon that truth, or I would feel constant discouragement.
As for my relationship with my son, I went to him face to face with a sincere apology, and and offer of lunch the following day. He graciously accepted my apology, and the offer of lunch. (Although he preferred I just drop it off at school, and not stay to eat with him. Teenagers! Haha!)
Have you ever hurt someone, whether it was your child or a friend? If so, how do you respond?

Dress: Cinch & Flow Maxi, Anthro
Belt: Bowtied Luster Belt, Anthro
Shoes: American Eagle

Peace

When we decided to move to Kansas last summer, I knew our lives were going to change drastically. I think the scariest part of the change was not knowing how things were going to be. I think we all have a bit of a fear of the unknown. As much as I like to have an adventure, I am sometimes scared to take a risk.
I have a great fear of flying. Most people don't know that, because I willingly fly often. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to allow the fear of flying to overrule my great desire to see the world. So I take a dramamine and I get on the silly plane.
Moving was a huge risk. (I recognize that a cross-country move can seem silly to those of you who have relocated all over the world.) Mostly because it meant uprooting teenagers who were happily settled into high school, and soon to graduate. But also because it meant starting over.
Last night we were driving home from taking the kids out to dinner. We live on the back side of a small town, surrounded by farms. Even at 11pm, I looked across those fields, and could see vestiges of light from the sun going down, and a bright moon shone over the land. I was filled with such a sense of peace and contentment.
Nothing is perfect in this life. Things happen, bills to be paid, the dryer breaks, pipes leak. But real peace comes from my relationship with Christ. Not dependent upon what I can do, but who He is.

John 10:10 "I have come that you might have life, and have it abundantly."

Shirt: J Crew Factory
Sweater: Sparrow Promenade Cardigan, Thrifted
Skirt: Haute Skirt, Anthropologie
Tights: Banana Republic Dotted
Boots: DSW, Thiabata
Belt: Lord & Taylor, Thrifted

You Talk Too Much, You Never Shut UP!

Sorry, bad title? I just couldn't help it. The Run D.M.C. classic pops to mind to easily.
This might surprise some of you, but I used to have a serious syndrome. I think we all do it, I just did it more frequently than others. No guesses? (Okay, okay. "Footinmouth Syndrome", I feel like if it say it fast it won't hurt as badly.)

Sweater: J Crew Jackie Cardigan
T-Shirt: J Crew Outlet
Skirt: J Crew No. 2 Pencil (in Viridian Green)
Tights: Anthropologie
Boots: DSW, Ciao Bella

I used to be characterized by this terrible disease. Looking back, I realize that every time I opened my mouth, it was to bad-mouth or criticize others around me. Strangers and friends alike. This is a hard thing to admit, and I am not about to psychoanalyze why I did it. The fact is, I did.
But the Lord started working on my heart. I started to see things from another perspective- the perspective of the person on the other end.  We have all experienced a "mean girl", that feeling when you know you are the target of an attack. I decided I never wanted to make anyone feel that way again, if I could help it.
The dilemma? I am honest to a fault. It is a blessing and a curse. I seem to have missed out on the diplomacy gene.  I do fine until someone asks my opinion (I generally stay safe if no one asks), but when confronted, I tend to apologize and work hard to find the good in the scenario to make the negative not sound so bad.

My dad said something like this a long time ago, and I never forgot it.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln (attributed to Socrates)
And recently, I read these verses.
"Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent." -Proverbs 17:28

Ouch! Does this step on your toes as much as it does mine? Well, good. Then I am not alone in this life-long journey to be a better person as a result of my relationship with Christ.  If I want others to see Jesus in me, are my actions matching up?  The Word also says, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." What are you filling your heart with?

Use your voice to be a source of encouragement to others.  Start with something simple, like complimenting someone on their appearance, or a job well done. Then move on to things like cards or letters. Everyone LOVES to get mail!
What can you do to encourage a friend today?

A Forgotten Lovely

Now that I am back to "normal" life after having a house full of company, and the pleasure of having all of my children home from school for two weeks, I have been struggling a little with loneliness.  Mostly feeling ignored by friends back home whom I honestly thought would keep in better touch.  I even posted this as my status on Facebook last night.

Debra Lapierre

Anybody else ever feel like they've been forgotten?

 ·  · 15 hours ago near Valley Center

You want to hear something ironic, but not particularly surprising (in my case)? Today my Bible Study group started a new study. While watching the intro video, the teacher said, "You may feel forgotten in this life. GOD has not forgotten you."  I KNEW this. I can honestly say that God has brought me to a place that I don't worry about what other people think more than I think about what HE thinks of me. However, I think I am just a little sad about the separation between myself and the people I love. I told my friend Susan this morning, I think I needed the down time after moving here. The quiet, and focus time on my kids. And now it is hitting me just how quiet things really are.
I am very excited about the start of this new study, since there is a lot of homework, and it will drive my time spent in studying the Bible more deeply. That really grounds me, and helps with the times when I struggle with "me".  I couldn't help think of this verse this morning.
Hebrews 13:5b "God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Here is an outfit I wore before Christmas, but forgot to post. I have been loving the cheetah print trend, but didn't want to put much money into it, since I am not sure how long it will be around. I thrifted this belt for $.99, and thought it was the perfect touch.

Shirt: J Crew, thrifted
Skirt: J Crew No. 2 Pencil in Vibrant Flame
Shoes: Anthropologie Stacked Strap Heels
Belt: Talbots Calf-hair Leopard, thrifted
Watch: J Crew
Necklace: Anthropologie Citrus Twist Necklace (in Gold)

How about you? Do you ever feel forgotten?

Happy Christmas

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas.
We are hosting my VA family, so we did our normal tradition of Christmas Eve dinner at Red Lobster (since I was a little kid, my dad took us there), then church. The service was a mix of contemporary and traditional, with a challenging reminder of Gods love in sending His Son to be born as a little child.
We then returned home to snack and open gifts. Then on Christmas Day, my Kansas family joined us for a traditional dinner and we played Catch Phrase. 
This was a very different Christmas for me, and I missed Virginia dearly, but I loved being able to celebrate with my dad's side of the family. I hope we made some new traditions.

Here's to a New Year, and new chances to take the things that define us, and make us stronger, better people.
Best,
Debra

Pajamas In Public? (Gasp!) PLUS More Shoes

Sometimes I feel badly about being so comfy in public. This outfit was like wearing my pj's to Wal-Mart. (Which I am proud to say I have NEVER done.)  I wore this to church a couple of weeks ago. It was  a rush job, since we slept a little late that Sunday. So a pony and a dress/nightgown made getting dressed a breeze.  Plus, I got this dress for $7 at F21!

Dress: F21
Shoes: Thrifted
Necklace: Anthropologie Unearthed Necklace
Earrings: Dillards

I haven't said much about it, but I love the church we have been attending since we moved here. The pastor is smart and challenging and has a dry sense of humor (which I love!). If you would like to hear some of his messages, you can hear/see on the web site here. I listened to a few of the older messages on my iPhone while driving to Dallas.
You wanna see something funny? This same day, I ran 10 miles in the rain, and this is what that cute pony looked like after:

It kinda' looks like road kill, doesn't it?

Of topic (but isn't the topic of shoes always on the table?!), I popped into Nine West while I was in Denver, and I am loving their new fall styles.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Martina in Very Teal Suede

Gillyan in Navy Saddle Suede

Unmixed in Med/Natural Yellow (now on sale)

Abalene in Black Leather (I also like the Navy Leather)

The last two have been out for a while, but I have not pulled the trigger. I think it's time, don't you?
This post was like my brain- all over the place. Where is your brain today?

Perspective

I think I mentioned previously that I started attending a Bible Study after I moved here. I found the group in the summer, and joined the summer study, and we started fall study last Tuesday.  I love the group! They have been warm and inviting to me, and I especially like the leader, Barb. About a week after school started, she asked me to have breakfast with her to discuss an idea she had.
Barb is one of the women who works on pairing women together in relationship mentoring.  She has a young mom who had asked to be paired up with someone about 9 months ago, but Barb never felt like she found the right person, until she met me. We talked about it, and I asked to meet the young woman.
After study last week, L came to meet Barb and I so we could talk. I was instantly amazed at this lovely young woman. She has a little girl named Paxton who was diagnosed with leukemia at about 9 month of age (she is now about 18 months). The sheer amount of medical procedures they have been through is staggering. Their entire life is based on the baby's blood counts and they spend many hours at the hospital.  As we sat talking about the current situation with Paxton's health, I could not help but think of my own children. My mom, sister and I have often spoken of how blessed our family is. I have four children, and my sister has three. Between all of us, we have had a total of 2 medical issues, and they are minor in comparison.
Barb, L and I had a lovely lunch. It was a delight to meet L and sweet Paxton.  If you are a praying person, please pray with me for Paxton and her parents as they prepare for a tough three months of hospitalization. Also, that I would have wisdom to know when to contact her and what to say.
With a grateful heart......

Blazer: Thrifted (pin included)
Shirt: Brooks Bro's, thrifted
Pants: Gap Slim Cropped
Shoes: Nine West Janetta Flat
Necklaces: Old Navy (only $1 a piece!)

Our Lord's Blessed Command

I love that phrase.  I heard it all my growing up years:
"Is there a time that you asked Jesus into your heart? In obedience to our Lord's Blessed Command, I now baptize you. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."
My little girl followed the Lord in Believer's Baptism today.  We believe that the Bible teaches that once you receive Christ into your heart, you are baptized as a outward sign of an inward decision.  Madison asked Jesus to come into her heart when she was 6 years old, and has been learning about and preparing for Baptism ever since. She made the decision to be baptized by the Children's Pastor at our church- before we move to Kansas (where she does not know anyone!). What an honor and privilege to stand beside the waters and see three of my four children baptized. (Three down, one to go! ;)  We had a pastor who described the Baptism in this way.  "When I married my wife, I put on a ring. It was a sign on my finger of the decision I had made in my heart to honor her. If I take my ring off, I am still married. Just like the baptism is a sign. It shows the world a decision you made in your heart."  I have never forgotten that mental image. I love it!  When we say, "She/He followed the Lord in baptism..." We mean that while Jesus was on earth, he was baptized by John (the Baptist), therefore, we follow in the same way.

We were so blessed to have both our parents and my sister and Jay's sisters attend, along with my best friend and my nieces.  We had a beautiful Palm Sunday service with the children entering with palm branches and a representative of Jesus on a real donkey! Our family joined us back at our home for lunch. My mom made my favorite lasagna! Yum-O!
Maddie snuck in some OOTD's for me really quick:

Oops! Wasn't ready! Blooper!

Sweater: Pulling It Together Sweater, Anthropologie
Skirt: Penciled Abronia
Tank: American Eagle
Necklace: Gift from Pastor's Wife
Earings: Thrifted
Shoes: Within The Lines Heels, Anthropologie

Happy Palm Sunday to you!