On Teachers

I found out yesterday morning that my high school music teacher passed away. He had been hospitalized for months, so it was not unexpected, but still very sad.
I have mentioned that schooling decisions have been some of the hardest decisions that Jay and I have had to make for our children. We have poured countless hours of prayer and conversation into where our kids should go to school. We have worked to have good communication with our kids' teachers, and have had some amazing people pass through their lives. Every single year, I am amazed at what wonderful teachers we have met, and what a personal interest they take in our kids' lives. Most teachers seem to really "get" that they have a major impact on their students.
My high school teacher was like that. He was tough as nails. He was tender. He was brilliant. He pushed us in unconventional ways to keep reaching, keep pushing. His impact has been felt on my life in more ways than I could count.
A few of my high school friends and I got together for dinner in Virginia Beach a couple of years ago. Someone was able to get ahold of our teacher and invite him to attend. Imagine our delight when he came through the door (with the aid of a cane), and regaled us with his version of our high school events. (We traveled competitively for music.) It was an absolute joy to have him there. And now that he is gone, it will be a forever happy moment for me.
Teachers have such an ability to create inspiration in our lives. I hope I can find a way to pay it forward to those around me.
What do you do to impact the people in your life?

Grand National Champions 1992
(The scrawny girl on the left-front floor in the striped top is me.
Our teacher is the tall man in the dark suit.)

Chamber Choir Singing at a Navy Admiral's Christmas Party
(The girl with the wide open singing mouth in blue is me.)

Senior Year  Jazz Christmas Concert
(The girl all the way to the left with the big star on the dress is me.)

On Getting Older

My oldest son is graduating high school in three months (not to beat a dead horse, here), and preparing to leave for college. This has thrown me into a tailspin of emotions. Emotions that I was not anticipating, nor do I much admire....
I have mentioned before that I had him when I was seventeen. Deciding to have that child was honestly the turn around point of my life, and the very thing that gave my life purpose. He was the reason that I turned my heart over to Christ, and decided that life was about more than myself.
When you give birth to a little, tiny squawking baby, the only thing you can think about is feedings and diaper changes and sleep patterns. You don't think ahead very far to things like elementary school, driving, and college plans. The truth is, he was ten years old when I gave birth to my last child, and I still was not thinking too much about the future. Maybe God protected my mind a little. I struggle with making wise choices concerning my children, since I want so much to be a great mom (this is a joint concern with my husband, I am just speaking for myself). I have agonized over how to raise my children in such a way that they chose right, because they know it to BE right, and not because they are forced to- out of fear. It is my experience that we parent either as a result of wise choices our parents made, or because we want to be different than our parents. For Jay and I, we wanted different parenting patterns. We love our parents dearly, and have great relationships with them, we just wanted to be more focused and hands-on than they were able to be. (Some circumstances are beyond our control, much as we may wish otherwise.)
I have wondered over the past two months of constant tears, a rarity for me, whether these surprising emotions are as a result of the hard fact that anytime a child leaves home it is difficult- or as a result of my current age. Most of my friends who are my age are still changing diapers, potty training, or walking into kindergarten.  I don't have the answers to these questions. I only know what I am feeling right now, and that is hope for the future, sadness over not having my son be a part of our daily lives, and excitement to see what God has in store for him.
God has dropped nuggets of truth into my lap on a daily basis, and I continue to cling to these.

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Dress: Gap, thrifted
Sweater: Mossimo, Target
Tights: Lands End
Boots: DSW, Ciao Bella
Bracelet: J Crew, leather wrap
Necklace: black beads, thrifted

Luck Be A Lady?

I am a girl (stick with me here), I have a mom who is a girl, and two grandmothers who are girls. Oh, and one more thing, I have a daughter who is a girl. The point?
We are all ladies as well. What does that mean? (I am SO glad you asked...)
I was born in 1976 to parents with very little money. My dad worked hard and steady for more than 20 years in manual labor, setting aside his own dreams for a technology career until my brother, sister and I were grown. My mom was a stay at home mom and music teacher. We were working poor. But the women in my family were/are ladies.  What is the difference between a woman and a lady?  I have thought about this quite a bit, and this is the conclusion I have come to.
*A lady speaks gently.
*A lady dresses appropriately for the occasion.
*A lady cares for her possessions.
*A lady has manners.
*A lady is not characterized by laziness.
*A lady is well-read, and can converse on many topics.

True life example: When I was growing up and needed a new pair of shoes, said shoes were not rushed out and purchased from the nearest discount store. The money was saved, and it was a treat to go have feet measured and quality shoes purchased and cared for to last as long as possible (with the possibility of being handed down to the nearest cousin or sibling.) I remember many Saturday nights of polishing shoes for church on Sunday, adults included. We did not have a large quantity of items in the closet, but what we had was good quality and well-cared for.

The same goes for character qualities. We were taught to be kind to those around us by the example of others. My grandparents had little money, but were always gracious to host friends and family in their home, and left behind a reputation of generosity. (One friend tells the story of starting his own painting business, which was helped along by the gift of a small truck given by my grandfather.) My grandmothers did not go anywhere without being clean and neat, and there was usually a swipe of lipstick involved.

I was also taught good manners. Being raised in the South, we learned "Yes, Ma'am," and "No, Ma'am." As well as the tone in which to speak respectfully. If an adult stepped into the room, we stood and gave up our seat. If a grandparent had a need, we were quick to respond and help. This was also true in regard to authority. If a teacher called about our bad behavior, no excuses were made, and the problem was dealt with, and an apology to the teacher was required. Yes, good manners also means humility, and having the grace to apologize when neccesary.

As I became an adult, I recognized the manner in which I was raised, and was incredibly thankful. I also determined to instill the same good qualities in my children.  It takes much discipline, but I am thankful and happy to be able to say that my children are a genuine pleasure to be with (that's saying a lot, because two of the four are teenagers!). They have manners and respect, and can converse easily with adults. (Which seems to be a dying art these days.) My daughter stands out from the girls that surround her as she is grounded and calm, and generally what I call "classy."

Does this mean you set aside your sense of humor? Not at ALL! We love to laugh! It is healing to our soul. But not at the expense of another, and not at crude humor either. Genuine laughter and happiness spills up from your soul, as a result of a purpose-filled life. A dedication to your calling and a general desire to help others and be kind.

Dress: Anthropologie, Refined Cord Shirtdress
Tank: Gap
Tights: Banana Republic, dotted tights
Boots: DSW, Audrey Brooke
Belt: Thrifted
Bracelet: J Crew, Studded Leather Wrap

What does it mean to you to be a lady?

Mom Uniform Alert- Balance

 Balance. It is something I think about a lot. As a mom of four kids, they are my priority.  I love being a mom. I take absolute delight in spending time with my kids, and creating a lovely home for my family. This is the first time since I was 17 years old that I have had no kids home during the day.  My littlest one started 1st grade this year, so my days have been quite empty. I have thought of all kinds of things to "do".  But the opportunities are not coming quickly. I keep reminding myself to just take each day at a time, and seek God's plan for my life.  There are so many things that I like to do, I can easily think of ways to be busy.  However, I want to have balance in my life. I love an orderly home, but I don't want to get obsessive.  I would much rather spend time with people, but since I don't know many people here, that is not likely.  I have been packaging cookies for Jay's office (he visits the auto dealerships every week, and delivers them) twice a week. That gives me "slush money" (his words), but there is not much shopping here, so I have spent A LOT of time online and A LOT of shopping when I can get up to Kansas City.  Basically, I am at a point I have never been in. Lots of time, and not many people to share it with.

One thing I learned when my friends in Virginia Beach were grieving the loss of the men who died in the hit on the helicopter in Afghanistan: I could not be there physically. The ONLY thing I could do was pray. So pray I did, and have been. Freda reminded me that if I had been in Virginia Beach, I would have been so busy DOING that I would not have been praying the way I did so far away.  I also refreshed all the Scripture that I have learned over the years.  I am a nerdy Bible Girl. I hoard Scripture on notecards, and they are stashed all over the house. If I find a verse or passage that I like, I "keep" it for myself. Basically, I break an overwhelming Book (The Bible) into bite sized pieces. Well let me tell you, those notecards paid off. I gathered them and texted one after another to Allie and Meiling. It felt like I was not doing much, but God spoke to me in such a strong way. (And Allie said the timing was terrific. Just what was needed.) Reminding me that all those years of reading were right there to pull from. It was like digging a well in the rain.  I don't need the well when it is raining, but boy, when things get dry, that is the first place you run.
I love fashion. I love culture.  But I need to balance my interest with what is best for me.  And that is relying upon God's Word for my every need.
So it's all about balance.  Where do you struggle with balance?

Pants: Gap Skinny Crops
Shirt: J Crew Boy Shirt Quincy Tartan
Shoes: Dillards Michelle D
Earrings: Dillards Pearl Hoops

Never Alone

I've been doing some thinkin' lately. (Smell the burn?)
My bff hates yard work/gardening/anythingthatremotelyinvolvesdirt.  I, however can't wait to get my "spring" on.  I am willing Spring to get here and stay here, so that I can get to work on my flowerbeds without risk of cold evenings that might kill anything I plant.
Little Man and I were standing at the storm door waiting on the bus a few days ago, and while we were waiting, we were looking at all the budding trees around us.  In 2009, Virginia Beach was hit with a severe Nor'Easter. My girlfriend Tammy (of NYC fame) was moving to Maryland, so she kidnapped me, and had taken me out for a pedicure and dinner, when I got a call from Jay that one of our 80 year old Oak trees had uprooted, and fallen across the road, taking out the power lines.  It was pouring buckets, so he was out in the mud trying to figure out what to do, and Little Man was screaming in the background.  He was terrified that everyone was going to die.  I came home to utter chaos.  Most of the city was without power due to the storm, and by the time I got home, my parents, Memaw,  sister and her husband and kids were all at my house with their food stuffs, candles, batteries, etc...  (In case you couldn't tell, my house is the storm hangout. We made the mistake of getting a generator a few years ago, and it has all gone downhill from there. KIDDING! We love having company.)  It continued to rain during the night, and we watched the rest of the trees continue to sway during the night. By the next morning, right about the time we came downstairs, another tree started going down.  This time, we watched it fall. Right on the neighbor's house.

Luckily, it did not hit the upper portion where they were sleeping.  It fell toward the front corner where their den was.  No one was hurt, and no serious damage was done.  The next few days are a blur of survival.  You don't realize how much of your life is wrapped up in technology until you live without it.
After we got the trees cut up and hauled off, we had the third one removed, and there was a big, bare yard to decide upon.  We had just planted out an entire flowerbed around these old Oaks, so it was like starting all over again.  My sons and Jay did an awesome job carving out new flowerbeds, and evening out the grassy area, and we decided upon a new tree for the middle of the yard. A Japanese Cherry Blossom (think Washington D.C. on a MUCH smaller scale).
This year was the first year that we have been able to watch it bud and bloom.  The storm is over.  Most of the neighbors had their trees evaluated and removed all the weak ones, and we are left in an older neighborhood with a lot of new growth.  These are all good things.  Less trees= more sun on our pool, which means the pool is warmer and more enjoyable to swim in.
As Little Man and I were standing there looking out, I pointed out to him other trees that were budding. We talked about plants and flowers, and how important the rain is to all the Spring plants.  He pointed out our Japanese Maple tree, and what a beautiful shade of red our leaves are.  Honestly, I could not look. I got choked up.
There is a part of every human that can't see past the storm.  We go through difficulties in life, and we find the strength to deal with it and move on.  But there is also that part of us that doesn't want to move, and just stays paralyzed.  I have a hard time looking at that tree, because it represents so much more than just a piece of wood with some leaves.  That tree was a baby when we moved here. We loved it as a part of the house. My kids love that tree. My other daughter Rachel loves that tree.  When they lost their Bradford Pear in a storm, she wanted a "tree like Mrs. Debra's". Rachel's Bradford Pear was the tree planted when she was born. It was "her" tree, so replacing it was a big deal.  I have watched Rachel, Maddie, and Little Man (and every other kids that plays here) climb for hours.  My friend Ashley built me a swing for that tree, and my Jay hung it.  There are memories attached to it.

The little kids and me on the swing back in the Fall.

Change is an integral part of life. I know it has to happen.  I don't resist that.  But I also think that sadness  happens too. In some ways it is easier to talk about my sadness toward leaving my beloved trees than it is to talk about the living, breathing people I have to leave.  People become a part of you, you take pieces of your relationships in your heart for the rest of your life.
The easiest way for me to find God is in nature.  I see Him everywhere I turn. His presence is unmistakable.  Nature is always moving and changing. The tides turn, and what is left behind is a treasure.  The cold kiss of Winter explodes forth into glorious Spring with the Sun and the Daffodils and the Cherry Blossoms, and first peek of the Hosta leaves. (I still get excited about those tiny shoots!)
God is also turning my heart toward people. It is easy to protect yourself against hurt, and people can be hurtful. But they can also bring joy and love. God created us for intimacy.  We have a need for more than just ourselves, a lesson I learn more and more the older I get.
Kansas is a hotter, drier climate. Not conducive to my beautiful Virginia plant life.  I don't think I will be bringing much with me, in the way of foliage. But I will bring myself, with my weaknesses and failures. All of them covered by the Grace that is Almighty God. And I will start over, knowing that the God who saves me, never will forsake me. Never alone.